he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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