Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize