I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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