I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
