I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
