What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
