Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
