He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
