If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
