sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
