some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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