I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
