if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
