Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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