Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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