come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize