Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
