O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
