Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
