So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He called his prostate his "boner button".
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
