I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Randomize