My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
