Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
