How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize