I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
