i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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