distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
