You can't motorboat a personality
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
