Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Randomize