just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
