I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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