This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
