i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
