Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
