Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
