He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
