After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
