I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
