would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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