I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My vagina just clenched in fear
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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