Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
