I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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