On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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