just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
