Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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