My cat gives me a boner
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
