Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
