Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
