They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
