She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize