We're facebook friends in real life
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
tell me about the eggs
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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