can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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