Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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