There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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