Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
