I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
