covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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