apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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