He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
