i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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