Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
