Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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