My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
