i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
