..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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