don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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