Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
