She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
