Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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