Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
