He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
