I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
