This is not my ceiling
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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