i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
