I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
