Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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