I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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