He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
