I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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