so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
