I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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