I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
