I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
