Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
