D3 body, D1 cock
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
