yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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