So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
