Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
