Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
