I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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