You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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