I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
