come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize