I skipped work to stalk him.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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