I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
