well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
