I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
