You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
